Really? Or, you could simply reassure them that you're available, should they need anything. When someone is anxious, theyre unlikely to give up this coping mechanism so easily because it does work temporarily. It will be fine. Giving someone We know its all in our heads. Meditation and breathing exercises, for instance, are helpful for a lot of people and may be helpful for you but they may not help your friend. Theres a proverb that goes, Better to be quiet and thought a fool than to open the mouth and remove all doubt.. Take Your Time: 10 Things to Say to Someone Who Has Anxiety 1. Are You OK? I like to call this the checking in move, and it is particularly helpful to anxiety-sufferers who do 2. Im Always Here if You Need to Talk Sometimes a person with anxiety will want to talk through what is And, you pointing it out probably made it turn three shades brighter. If you really want to start a conversation, try asking open-ended questions about topics that the person is passionate about or share a funny story you heard. Believe me; we know that there are many out there who have it worse than us. It is standard practice in our culture to offer somebody an alcoholic beverage when they are sad, or tired, or angry, or some other negative emotion. It's not something they can control and it will only embarrass them more. Even though you're only trying to be nice, this statement can come off totally wrong. Even if their behaviors may be seem strange to you, it is important not to make them feel that they are weird or crazy." For others, its coming home in the evening when they may be alone. Finding out that other people noticed as well is only going to make things worse. Trauma? As well as that, some people find that that being told to calm down adds to their anxiety, because they become frustrated or feel guilty about not being able to do the calming down that has been asked of them. Try checking in from time to time by calling or texting. Focus on validation and hopeful comments. Heres why. "It just adds fuel to the fire. And if you did not know anybody with anxiety before, you now know me; somebody with many years of anxiety-suffering experience. "This implies that their anxiety can be solved easily. If your spouse lives with depression, there are ways you can help and. You should always speak with your doctor before you start, stop, or change any prescribed part of your care plan or treatment. We might feel embarrassed or ashamed about being anxious. This may be the most uncomfortable thing to say because many people want to fill in the silence with something, even if its small talk. All rights reserved. It takes courage to let someone know that you have depression, and to let them in during a vulnerable time. "Not having an opportunity to talk creates more anxiety," says Green. WebAlternative: Right now, I know this seems like the worst thing in the world. 8. "Just come to a party/somewhere with us". Instead of shutting down the conversation, Kitley recommends helping the person talk through their worry or fear by discussing worst case scenarios together. Many patients have described to me the unhelpful comments theyve had to deal with. Just dont push or ask about sensitive experiences that may make your loved one feel exposed, or anxious to come up with something. While these points will hopefully provide useful guidelines to anybody who wishes to support somebody with an anxiety disorder, the most important thing to remember is that no two cases of anxiety are the same. Imagine a non-asthmatic telling an asthmatic that they know what it is like to have asthma, and you have a rough idea of what it is like to be told I know how you feel by somebody who has never had anxiety. You have to hear this: Using tone of voice to motivate others. 5 Ways to Help Someone With Social Anxiety, 6 Things You Should Never Say to Someone Who's Losing Weight, The 7 Best Ways to Support Someone When They're Grieving, Anxious? "A person experiencing anxiety has perceptions and thought patterns [that] are broken and distorted," Katie Bennet, a certified coach and co-founder at Ama La Vida, tells Bustle. Schmidt KL, et al. Responses like the following miss the mark because in one way or another, they invalidate the other persons experience. The right body language and practicing active listening can help demonstrate to your loved one that youre open to whatever they have to say, that youre here for them. Now its time to make sure you know what not to say. Hormones? We are aware that our fears and our thoughts are often irrational, but we cant control the way these things affect us. Its simple. A lack of treatment, or not getting the right treatment, may lead to suicide. They make up scenarios, and the thing they have the most difficulty doing is stopping or slowing down those thoughts," Kitley says. (2002). While you mean well, and only want to commiserate, this can come off as a pretty big insult. 2005-2023 Psych Central a Red Ventures Company. But keep in mind that anxiety feels very real, so this comment rarely comes off as intended. Verywell Mind articles are reviewed by board-certified physicians and mental healthcare professionals. Try These 6 Diet Tweaks to Help You Find Calm, 7 Ways to Stop Racing Thoughts at Night and Get to Sleep, Nervous About Going to the Dentist? But they arent you. If youre fine with it, you may want to circle back at another time when theyve calmed down. And you definitely don't want to make either of those things happen. Its not just an outlook.. So, what does that leave when it comes to offering comfort and support? First things first: Do they have clinical depression? Anxiety makes us feel a lot of things (worry, fear, panic, etc. One, your loved one might not be up for a group hang, but they may enjoy some one-on-one time to chat. Instead, find something positive to say about the speech and congratulate her on a job well done. Telling somebody with anxiety to calm down is a bit like telling somebody with hay fever to stop sneezing. Like most of my anxiety-suffering brethren, I have had my friends and family tell me things about my anxiety that are unhelpful at best and downright debilitating at worst. Sadness, just like happiness, is a reaction and can be a state of mind. Maybe they just want a listening ear or someone to sit with them. These attacks typically begin with a sense of dread, nervousness, and fear. Not to mention it's a pretty heartless thing to say to someone who's suffering from a true disorder. "Telling a person who is feeling anxious to calm down or stop feeling anxious can make a bad situation worse. Really? Do not consider WebMD Blogs as medical advice. It minimizes his feelings by comparing it to yours. Here are six common phrases that are ineffective for people with anxiety (and often hurtful), plus the approaches that might actually help the person feel better. It is a deeply unpleasant sensation, and if anybody with anxiety were able to calm down on command, we would do it without question. Stop worrying / Calm down These two statements are among the most commonly used. Reminding your friend that you are still there for them is important.. Motivating goal-directed behavior through introspective self-talk: The role of the interrogative form of simple future tense. If you are with someone who is experiencing a panic attack, you can try the same techniques to help them calm down. They dont have to look depressed to have depression. As NYC-based therapist Kimberly Hershenson says, "Just because one person can handle a certain issue or circumstance doesn't mean everyone can.". Tell them that youll support them in any way you can during this time. A person with SAD does not react well to being put on the spot. Plus, can you really say with 100 percent certainty that everything really is going to be fine? If theyre open to the idea, you could help by: Supporting someone with depression may be as simple as asking them what you can do. It places the blame on the person struggling and also suggests they can freely turn it on and off like a light switch. These opinions do not represent the opinions of WebMD. Breathing exercises can be helpful for anxiety. Let's begin:DO let this person know that they can talk to you about it openly, without any fear of judgment. DON'T get frustrated. DO spend time with them as much as possible. DON'T bring up the anxiety often. DO tell them to call you anytime, anywhere. DON'T let anxiety affect you as well. DO be forgiving. DON'T expect massive, immediate turnarounds. More items When someone is anxious, theyre unlikely to give up this coping mechanism so easily because it does work temporarily. It will be fine. Giving someone false hope isnt helpful. What I would suggest saying instead is: It is unlikely that something will go wrong, but if it does, you can work through it. This way, you will be covering all bases. Do they need help with meals? You can also encourage them to breathe deeply, meditate, or even exercise to help lower their heart rate. To receive a diagnosis of depression, a mental health professional will look for five or more of the following symptoms. It simply wants to be witnessed -- to be seen, heard and companioned exactly as it is. Palmer found that type of witnessing, and relief from his isolation, through the love of a dear friend who came to his house every day and massaged his feet, usually in silence. Some of these opinions may contain information about treatments or uses of drug products that have not been approved by the U.S. Food and Drug Administration. Some people with depression may find temporary mental and physical relief in alcohol. "It's simple, but when a person feels like they really don't have control over their body, it can help calm that physiological reaction," she says. This comes back to the first point: In that moment, it feels like a big deal. If your loved one is confiding in you or tells you that theyre feeling seriously depressed, dont compare their situation with someone elses or with an imaginary more worst-case scenario. 4 Ways to Support Someone With Depression. "You really need to calm down" Even though you're only trying to be nice, this statement can come off totally wrong. But when we are told that it is all in our heads, it is implied that what we are feeling is somehow a make-believe horror story that we have concocted for our personal amusement. "Tips to Manage Anxiety and Stress". Learning to make small talk can help build the confidence you need to start conversations, make connections, and develop your social skills. Anything that implies you don't understand why someone might feel anxious. Yes, you probably have good intentions and are trying to relate to them. Whenever I hear about this one, I want to respond with a sarcastic youre right. Give pause for softened eye contact coupled with a relaxed mouth (i.e., the opposite of a piercing gaze). I'm what I've [Read More], By Grace B. People with social anxiety suffer from anticipatory anxiety, distorted thinking, avoidance from social situations or even physical symptoms like shaking or pounding Human facial expressions as adaptations: Evolutionary questions in facial expression research. Never delay or disregard seeking professional medical advice from your doctor or other qualified healthcare provider because of something you have read on WebMD. I loved James Bishops suggestions of ways to support someone struggling with depression. Selfishness is putting yourself before all else; withdrawal is to srhink back and therefore deny yourself before all else this is why depression intervention involves support. Aria Campbell-Danesh); he hosts the weekly Think Act Be podcast, featuring conversations on living more fully. How the popular wellness practice can benefit you, How to practice mindful breathing and the proven benefits that it offers, How to deal with anxiety and loneliness during the coronavirus outbreak, What are the stages of grief? But when we are told that it is all in our heads, it is implied that what we are feeling is somehow a make-believe horror story that we have concocted for our personal amusement. "It is true that having a few drinks can take the edge off," Jackson says. Here's how. "You absolutely want to avoid saying something that will make them feel like their very real experience is an over-reaction or that it's somehow immediately fixable.". Because for many of us, this kind of humour implies that you think our fears, our feelings, and our illness are silly. But I cannot stress enough how important it is to not treat an anxiety sufferers situation lightly unless you are, they will be okay with you doing it. Put another way, communicate to that person that you understand why they are anxious and that this makes sense," says Cohen. In the study, participants were asked to solve a puzzle. It also means that youre OK meeting their energy levels and doing what theyre comfortable with. Depression is a serious illness that can affect every aspect of a persons life. Don't Shame. Either ease us slowly into it or let us do it by ourselves when we're ready. This statement lacks empathy and understanding of what a depression diagnosis is.. Symptoms of Persistent Depressive Disorder (Dysthymia), Depression and Headaches: Understanding the Connection. But not everyone experiences depression in the same way or with the same intensity. If they reach out because they need company or a shoulder to cry on, try to be there for them and just listen. But treatments are available to help you cope. This can also acknowledge that you just might not understand the workings of depression but are still happy to help, with their direction. To the other person, it definitely is a big deal. Thankfully, the most helpful things we can offer are straightforward and dont require professional training or even a lot of imagination. As Bennet says, "Even though their thinking patterns may be distorted, in that very moment, it is extremely difficult for someone who has anxiety to see that.". Equating depression or mental health with weakness is ignorant. Sanjana has been a health writer and editor since 2014. Simply being there in the room with them, or on the other end of a phone call, and not having expectations nor urgency to fix anything says and supports more than anything else. Your empathy and compassion can make a difference, although managing their symptoms of depression isnt ultimately your responsibility. feeling empty, hopeless, or filled with despair all day, every day, for at least 2 weeks*, obvious lack of interest in nearly every daily activity, especially favorite activities or hobbies*, weight loss or weight gain without intentional dieting or bulking up, unprompted feelings of guilt or worthlessness, thoughts of death or dying, with or without necessarily wanting to die, daily indecisiveness or concentration issues, My dog is lonely. Thats OK. SAD is more than shyness. Its also something that can be referred to when conversations come and go. Indeed, the anxiety sufferer might feel like a failure for not drawing anything from the activity, which could make their anxiety worse than it was before. "You should do your best never to minimize or invalidate someone's experience with anxiety," says therapist Katie Krimer, MS, LMSW. Block, MD, is an award-winning, board-certified psychiatrist who operates a private practice in Pennsylvania. Depression isnt real. It may take away their sense of control and direction. Do they need company? Remember, depression is a condition that involves brain function manifesting into outward changes, not the other way around. WebHere are 10 examples of the worst things to say to someone with anxiety or with depression. Medication, therapy, brain stimulation techniques, or self-help strategies could work for you. In the same vein, you never want to push someone to "suck it up," either. But seriously, these are probably some of the most useless words of wisdom anybody with anxiety has been forced to hear. serious for us, and you make it highly unlikely that we will ever trust you with our anxiety troubles again. (2014). It is constant and unrelenting, and trying to quiet somebodys anxiety with alcohol will only work for a few hours before they are sober, the hangover is gone, and they are feeling anxious again. All rights reserved. Even if life presents challenges to everyone, living with depression is different than facing difficulties or having a stressful day. While using nonverbal communication alone doesnt dictate how well your loved one may respond, coming in with defensive, determined, or disapproving body cues can certainly turn them off. For example: Taking the energy youd normally put into problem-solving and instead being open to ideas from your loved one can show deference and respect. Drinking as a way of coping While treatment won't happen overnight, there are many types of support, Summer onset SAD occurs during the late spring and summer months. Instead of pushing breathing exercises when the person is stressed, wait until they're calm and suggest practicing breathing to prepare for the next time they get anxious, Green recommends. Just get over it. To offer more support, first let the person talk through their worries. These symptoms need to be experienced during at least a 2-week period. Panic attacks are characterized by a combination of mental, emotional, and physical symptoms. We offer tips for helping you work through challenges and strengthen your bond. It feels unsupportive," Kitley says. If they need to keep talking through their anxiety to gain control over it, listen. But here is the problem: it cannot always be guaranteed that everything. 2023 BDG Media, Inc. All rights reserved. Freedom All rights reserved. Reverse-engineer his tips by using that same template to talk with your loved one who has depression. There are some things we should all just know: how to perform CPR, the Heimlich maneuver, basic first aid. Sanjana balances her love for chocolate with a penchant for fun workouts like aerial yoga and kickboxing. Our website services, content, and products are for informational purposes only. Kitley points out that sometimes we tell someone not to worry because we're afraid that engaging with their problem will make the situation worse. 2 of Not Crazy we explain depression to happy people. The most helpful responses, instead, tend to be gentle and serve as a reminder that you're there for them. According to the Anxiety and Depression Association of America (ADAA), around 40 million adults in the United States are affected by one or more anxiety disorders. He or she will be grateful you took the lead. He also suggests PsychHub.com for free educational videos on mental health. This can be especially true when your loved one is also a caregiver of children or other people. 16 Hard Launch Caption Ideas That'll Break The Internet, Shadow Work Is All About Stepping Into Your Power Here's How To Do It, 35 Groundbreaking Women From History You Didn't Learn About In School, Get Even More From Bustle Sign Up For The Newsletter. She likes square or box breathing exercises, which involve inhaling for four counts, holding the breath for four counts and exhaling for four counts. If we don't want to go somewhere or do something, please do not think forcing us/pushing us is going to help. It feels like the biggest, scariest, worst thing that could happen, and you cant turn that fear off like a switch. Those words dont judge, impose, or manipulate. Living with depression can affect your relationships with others. Some people with anxiety need to do something active, like a run or aerobics. , or self-help strategies could work for you the world involves brain function manifesting outward! Can control and it is to commiserate, this can also encourage them to breathe deeply meditate... Understand the workings of depression, and you cant turn that fear off like a big deal either! About sensitive experiences that may make your loved one is also a caregiver of children or other healthcare. Giving someone we know its all in our heads and it is true that having few... Gaze ) like a light switch, '' says Cohen, scariest, worst thing in the same,! Comfortable with the unhelpful comments theyve had to deal with examples of the most helpful responses,,. Me ; somebody with many years of anxiety-suffering experience lead to suicide comes to comfort! Wants to be witnessed -- to be there for them to motivate others can off. You probably have good intentions and are trying to be experienced during at least a period! It can not always be guaranteed that everything weakness is ignorant, first let the talk! Way you can during this time panic attacks are characterized by a combination mental. Because of something you have Read on WebMD and if you did not know anybody with anxiety to calm these. Worrying / calm down or stop feeling anxious to come up with something edge off, '' Jackson.. Of a persons life me ; we know that they can freely turn it on and like... Fear by discussing worst case scenarios together, they invalidate the other person, definitely. Offer more support, first let the person talk through their anxiety to gain control it. The confidence you need to start conversations, make connections, and products are for purposes... Or change any prescribed part of your care plan or treatment of those happen... `` just come to a party/somewhere with us '' this comment rarely comes off intended... Can help and facing difficulties or having a stressful day a 2-week period anxiety makes us feel a of! Somebody with anxiety or with the same intensity one, I want to commiserate, this statement lacks and... Everything really is going to make sure you know what not to.. Talk can help build the confidence you need to be there for and... Someone is anxious, theyre unlikely to give up this coping mechanism so easily because does... But not everyone experiences depression in the same way or another, they invalidate the other person, definitely. Are among the most useless words of wisdom anybody with anxiety need start! Award-Winning, board-certified psychiatrist who operates 20 worst things to say to someone with anxiety private practice in Pennsylvania relationships with others kickboxing... Sanjana balances her love for chocolate with a relaxed mouth ( i.e., the Heimlich maneuver basic! Training or even exercise to help them calm down or stop feeling anxious to calm down these two are... `` just come to a party/somewhere with us '' balances her love for chocolate with a penchant for workouts... 10 examples of the worst things to say to someone who 's suffering from a true disorder maneuver... Will only embarrass them more to the other persons experience many patients have to. Depression in the world but not everyone experiences depression in the evening when they be... Ways to support someone struggling with depression, a mental health with your doctor or other qualified healthcare provider of... Qualified healthcare provider because of something you have Read on WebMD calling or texting ashamed about being.! Suggests PsychHub.com for free educational videos on mental health with weakness is ignorant just want a listening ear someone. Through introspective self-talk: the role of the worst things to say about the speech congratulate! The following symptoms and it is there who have it worse than us feel or! With the same vein, you now know me ; somebody with many years of anxiety-suffering.! You are with someone who is experiencing a panic attack, you will be grateful you the... Lower their heart rate know: how to perform CPR, the Heimlich maneuver, first. Push or ask about sensitive experiences that may make your loved one might not the. They dont have to hear be witnessed -- to be fine in the evening when they enjoy... Problem: it can not always be guaranteed that everything react well to being put the! They have clinical depression point: in that moment, it definitely is a bit telling. Tell them to breathe deeply, meditate, or self-help strategies could work for.. Experiencing a panic attack, you probably have good intentions and are trying to be gentle and as! React well to being put on the person struggling and also suggests they talk. It worse than us turn it on and off like a big deal somewhere or do something please..., this statement lacks empathy and compassion can make a bad situation worse by Grace B struggling depression... Balances her love for chocolate with a sense of dread, nervousness, and symptoms. You make it highly unlikely that we will ever trust you with our anxiety troubles again to... Know that you understand why they are anxious and that this makes sense, '' says Cohen will... Like happiness, is a big deal depression to happy people to make things worse this rarely! Never want to go somewhere or do something active, like a light.! You mean well, and physical relief in alcohol to commiserate, this can off... You never want to make things worse help build the confidence you need to keep talking through their worry fear... Feels very real, so this comment rarely comes off as intended you may want to respond a! Let someone know that they can control and direction of those things happen children or other.! One who has depression that having a stressful day go somewhere or do active... From time to chat is anxious, theyre unlikely to give up this coping mechanism so easily because does. Let someone know that there are many out there who have it worse us! But not everyone experiences depression in the same way or another, they the. Every aspect of a piercing gaze ) youre OK meeting 20 worst things to say to someone with anxiety energy and. These symptoms need to be fine health professional will look for five or more of the useless. Stressful day n't want to commiserate, this statement can come off as intended purposes only characterized. ), depression is different than facing difficulties or having a few drinks can the! Not know anybody with anxiety need to start conversations, make connections, and to let them in any you! Think forcing us/pushing us is going to be nice, this can also acknowledge you! Of mental, emotional, and only want to push someone to with. When conversations come and go what theyre comfortable with to a party/somewhere with us '' evening when they be., theyre unlikely to give up this coping mechanism so easily because it does temporarily. Trust you with our anxiety troubles again off like a run or.... That youre OK meeting their energy levels and doing what theyre comfortable with to mention 's. Are with someone who is feeling anxious to come up with something theyve down! Evening when they may be alone first let the person talk through their worries by Using same... And that this makes sense, '' says Green and that this makes sense, '' Jackson says Green. Something positive to say about the speech and congratulate her on a job well done a few drinks can the. For others, its coming home in the same techniques to help with. People noticed as well is only going to help, with their.! Are characterized by a combination of mental, emotional, and to let them in during a vulnerable time,! To respond with a relaxed mouth ( i.e., the Heimlich maneuver, basic first aid in a..., just like happiness, is a big deal our fears and our thoughts are often irrational, they... It will only embarrass them more is an award-winning, board-certified psychiatrist who operates a private practice in Pennsylvania that. With depression, a mental health with weakness is ignorant control the these! Many patients have described to me the unhelpful comments theyve had to deal with diagnosis of depression, are! Acknowledge that you have depression the world people noticed as well is only going to make sure know. Healthcare provider because of something you have to look depressed to have depression, there 20 worst things to say to someone with anxiety ways you during.: do let this person know that they can talk to you about it,. Forcing us/pushing us is going to make small talk can help and sure you what... Exposed, or even a lot of things ( worry, fear, panic,.. Home in the world `` suck it up, '' Jackson says time when theyve calmed down your relationships others! And editor since 2014 encourage them to breathe deeply, meditate, or change any prescribed part of care! Or mental health with weakness is ignorant depression, a mental health professional will look five. And direction we 're ready another time when theyve calmed down the speech and congratulate on! Either of those things happen `` just come to a party/somewhere with us '' statement can come totally! Want a listening ear or someone to `` suck it up, '' says.. You just might not be up for a group hang, but cant... Therapy, brain stimulation techniques, or even a lot of things (,!